One of the most common things I hear in my practice is some version of this: “When I try to talk to people about what I’m going through, they always want to fix it or tell me what I should do. I just want someone to understand.”
Many of my patients come to therapy feeling frustrated and lonely, not because they don’t have people in their lives, but because those people – with the best of intentions – tend to jump straight into problem-solving mode. They offer advice, share their own similar experiences, or try to cheer them up with reassuring phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least it’s not worse.”
What therapy offers is something different: a space where you can share your frustrations and worries without someone immediately trying to fix them. Where you can feel upset, confused, or stuck without being rushed toward feeling better. Where someone is genuinely curious about your experience and wants to understand it from your perspective.
The simple act of being truly heard can be deeply healing. We live in a world where everyone seems to be waiting for their turn to talk. But there’s something sacred about being with someone who is genuinely interested in understanding your experience, not in crafting their response.
Here’s what it looks like to be truly heard:
- Someone gives you their full attention – No phone checking, no planning what they’ll say next, just complete presence with whatever you’re sharing
- They let you finish your thoughts – Even when you pause or struggle to find words, they wait patiently rather than jumping in to fill the silence
- They reflect back what they’re hearing – Not to fix or analyze, but to show they’re genuinely trying to understand your perspective
- You feel safe to express difficult emotions – Whether you’re angry, sad, confused, or scared, you know you won’t be judged or told to feel differently
- They don’t immediately offer solutions – They understand that sometimes you need to be understood before you’re ready to problem-solve
- You leave the conversation feeling lighter – Even if nothing has been “solved,” you feel less alone with whatever you’re carrying
The relationships where you feel most heard are often the ones that matter most to you. They’re the people you turn to when life gets complicated, because you know they’ll create space for all of who you are.
Being truly heard is one of our most fundamental human needs. It reminds us that we’re not alone, that our experiences matter, and that we’re worthy of someone’s complete attention.
Hope you have people in your life who listen this way – and that you get to be this kind of listener for others too.
P.S. If you’re curious about what it’s like to have this kind of listening space in therapy, I’d be happy to talk with you about it. You can schedule a free consultation here whenever you’re ready.
