I often have patients tell me they know they should reach out to friends or family more, but it feels overwhelming. “I haven’t talked to them in months,” they’ll say. “What would I even say? They probably think I’m a terrible friend.” Or they worry that they’re too much of a mess right now to be good company for anyone.
The idea of connection starts to feel like another item on an impossible to-do list – something they’re failing at along with everything else. But what I’ve learned, both in my practice and in my own life, is that connection doesn’t have to be big or perfect to be meaningful.
Here’s something that might surprise you: when you reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, they’re usually genuinely happy to hear from you. We worry that people will think we’re bad friends or that it’s weird to text after months of silence, but most people are actually relieved when someone else takes the initiative. The truth is, they’ve probably been thinking about reaching out too, but they’re just as scared as you are.
Sometimes the smallest gestures create the most genuine moments of connection. A quick text saying “thinking of you.” Commenting on someone’s social media post. Asking the cashier at the grocery store how their day is going and actually listening to the answer. These tiny interactions can create little pockets of warmth in what might otherwise feel like a lonely day.
The beautiful thing about small connections is that they don’t require you to be “on” or to have your life figured out. They just require you to be human, reaching toward another human, even in the simplest way.
Here are some gentle ways to connect when everything feels hard:
- Send one text to someone you’ve been thinking about – Even just “Hi, hope you’re doing well” can brighten someone’s day and yours too
- Make small talk with people you see regularly – The coffee shop barista, your neighbor, the person walking their dog – these brief exchanges add up
- Respond to someone’s social media post with genuine interest – Instead of just liking, leave a comment that shows you actually read what they shared
- Ask one real question when someone asks how you are – Instead of “fine,” try “it’s been a rough week, but talking to you helps” – most people appreciate honesty
- Accept invitations even when you don’t feel like it – Sometimes showing up when you’d rather stay home creates exactly the connection you needed
- Share something small about your day – Tell someone about the song you heard, the sunset you saw, or the coffee that tasted perfect – small details create intimacy
- Check in on someone else who might be struggling – Often when we’re having a hard time, reaching out to support someone else helps us feel less alone too
You don’t have to be the perfect friend or family member to deserve connection. You don’t have to have interesting news or be in a good mood to reach out. Sometimes the most meaningful connections happen when we’re honest about finding life difficult and we do it together.
Connection is not about being impressive or entertaining. It’s about sharing the ordinary, messy, beautiful experience of being human.
P.S. If you’re feeling isolated and finding it hard to connect, therapy can be a gentle place to start practicing being seen and heard. You can schedule a free consultation here whenever you’re ready.
